i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
