im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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