I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
