; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
