We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
