woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
