This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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