sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
