The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
