I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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