i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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