The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
