PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drunk is a universal language darling
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