I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
