im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize