That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
