made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
