I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
