Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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