i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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