I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
