Small penises have feelings too.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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