I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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