I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
