Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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