Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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