I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
