Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
