$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
