she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
