dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
