No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
