i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
