I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
