My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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