If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
