ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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