I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
