Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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