someone threw a dead crab at me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
