office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
