Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
