apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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