i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
