okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
