i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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