Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
