An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
