I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
