She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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