i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
