i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
