Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Terrible idea I love it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
