Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
