Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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