I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
